Alizais

Addicted to Stupid Games

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 03:44:59 GMT

I was playing Conquer Online, happily doing a quest when someone comes along and PK's me in two hits. After the second time, I asked him if he would stop it. He laughed at me and said no. After a few more exchange of words I became rather angry and logged off the game when the other person finally said something along the lines of, "Women sure get pissy." Having logged off for a few minutes, I asked myself if the male gender likes the competition to a point where being killed and the erasure of hard work in an instant become bearable. I know this is how the game producers succeed: they provide the greatest challenge in the game--the players themselves--and motivate them to get better and better gear. This is good on two counts: first, the players have to play a very long time to get ahead, or second, they use real money to buy the better equipment and easy level-ups.

I decided to finish a Monty Python movie to calm my nerves. And then I studied Chinese. During my reading, my desires kept going back to the game. I really wanted to finish the quest and continue to level up. But to what end? I've told my sister that if for all the time I spent gaming if I just spent studying Chinese, I'd be fluent now! I'd even have memorized so many characters, I could read Chinese novels! That's how much time I've wasted playing games!

It's so hard to resolve, and I have resolved it many times before, but just like an addiction, I need to fight off gaming. The world is such that skills become outdated in a few years and people need to constantly learn to be valuable in this waning job market. I feel by putting my time to good use, I can make myself marketable at the same time gaining priceless knowledge. Why not trade this for worthless games?

And then, my gamer side objects. Since there's no life after this and death will obliterate all of my hard-earned knowledge, why bother studying? Why bother making a good life? It will all be gone in a relatively short time. At least by playing, I can have some fun. Oh bother! There's that internal conflict again!

For now, the side that prevails is the one encouraging me to continue to read this Chinese novel, part by part, stumbling before every other word. Too bad there wasn't a supreme being. I can ask that being for assistance in keeping me from temptation. But no, it's just me. I have to do it.

Check your genetics

Thu, 14 May 2009 06:34:45 GMT

https://www.23andme.com/

This is where you can pay money to check if your genes say if you're prone to any of the hundreds of diseases in their database. It's only $400 starting! Very cheap! This was the company I heard about (I remember seeing a picture of two young ladies with that article) and it sounded very expensive back then, when it was the first of its kind.

Now, there's at least one more company doing the same thing, http://www.decodeme.com/ . They're cheaper but aren't able to diagnose as many conditions as the 23andMe.

I'd be very interested to see if anyone I know has done this or would have this done. If I had expendable money, I certainly would give it a try. That way, I might be able to take preventative action.

Racism, Culturism

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 03:19:25 GMT

In America, the mantra is that racism is bad. To me, this mantra comes from the guilt of the sins of some white people enslaving black people, decimating the Natives, colonizing foreign countries, torturing those who were different, exploiting non-white nations. Also, I think racism is bad because it is unfair to judge someone based solely on the color of their skin.

So I try not to be racist. Skin color doesn't determine a person's personality nor disposition. Yet something still bothered me about different people. This is why I labeled myself a culturist. There is a subtle difference between racism and culturism. I look down on some cultures while admiring others. It's strongly connected with racism because statistically, a person of a particular color probably has the culture of their genetic ancestors. Meaning, a person who looks Asian probably practices some Asian culture or has some Asian ways of behaving, thinking, or speaking.

This holds true for Asians emersed in a culture that's not Asian because cultures die hard. If you look at Blacks in America, they've still been able to maintain a distinct culture for over 200 years since their arrival here. Of course, it is no longer the same culture anymore but a different one. They may no longer remember the tribal languages or ceremonies of Africa but they do think and behave differently than those of European decent. Like what is passed down from parent to child, some common characteristics in culture tie these people in the present to their ancestors in the past.

Following my reasoning, one way to obtain a culture different than the one of genetic ancestors is via adoption. A Black person adopted by an Hispanic family would inherit the Hispanic culture and according to me, be judged by that culture.

But, the reason I write this post isn't to reveal my culturist side. No, the point was something else and I had to write about my culturism to paint the backdrop for the real picture which follows:

My internship with Maxim has been enlightening. Not only in the secrets of process engineering but also in people and diversity. My boss is a Cantonese-speaking Asian, the other process engineers are white males and females, I work alongside a Black woman, a Native American woman, several Indian people, many Golden Triangle peoples, more white people, Hispanics, Chinese people, and today I ate lunch with a couple of Korean people. I would definitely say this is diverse workplace. Many if not most people are Christian. Others I have come to know are non-religious.

It is in my natural disposition to ask people about what is on their mind and occupies their list of things to do in life and why. I guess this is called being friendly but it's really just me being nosy. I'm curious what drives people just because I don't really have passions and I want to know what I'm missing. I don't think I'm missing much.

Anyway, having met and talked for hours with so many different people (many of whom I once was culturist against), I realized that everyone is very similar. Everyone is seeking happiness. Everyone is trying to work to survive in this world. Everyone wants the simple pleasures in life. Everyone is comfortable with family and friends or wishes to be. Everyone wants to have fun once in a while. Some people go to extremes and find fun in drugs (alcohol is a drug), others are on medication to maintain sanity, many people need coffee to stay awake, many are parents whose sole purpose at the moment is to raise them to be successful, and many are trying to get out of debt. Almost everyone believes in Love, wants to be in, or is in love. No one thinks like me where love is a biologically programmed function to avoid as much as one should avoid fastfood and candy. Many go on vacations like camping, fishing, or travel even if it is once a year.

It almost becomes a boring little drone. Because of this, my culturism is fading. Cultures are not the dividing factor which deserve to be the category headings of groups of people. What divides people are more the psychology-derived personality types. I realize that it's not the culture that I admire. It's the type of person. I find that of those I meet, it doesn't matter what their culture is but their attitude and outlook on life. It's how openly and intelligently they observe the world. It's how much they understand themselves and others. It's how fair they are in judgement and how virtuous they are in conducting themselves. This is what I admire and it can be found in all cultures.

It took me 23 years to realize what actually I knew all along in my mind: don't judge others without knowing them first and especially not by how they look. Maybe racism is a sign of not having taken the time to learn about others. Maybe it takes knowing a variety of people to not be racist. Because even though I knew it logically in my head, my heart didn't believe it until I came to Maxim and was exposed to different kinds of people.

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 19:45:24 GMT

Things are going well. I'm so fortunate to be working at Maxim. I've raked in enough money just during the summer to pay for tuition and rent at school. Also, this is truly a big booster to my resume! Also, I really like all the chemical engineers (my co-workers) which is a huge difference than last year where I didn't like the civil engineer, the biologist, the other biologist...I guess this really is my field. Chemical engineers are great!

I've lost 10 pounds because I use my bike to get to work every day. The distance is 10 miles a day with massive hills so that's 50 miles covered a week! Don't worry, I'll gain it all back when I get to school. I don't want to seem _that_ small.

I guess the other thing is because a cat lives with Emily, I'm getting rashes on my legs and arms. It's very itchy and annoying. It sucks that I'm allergic to cats likes this. *sniffle* *sneeze!* *scratch* *scratch*

And I've really decided (now that I've tried it) that relationships are not for me. I'm way too picky and there's no way I compromise for others when it comes to my personality or behavior. If there's no compromise, then there's no (healthy) relationship. And the benefits of love don't make it worth it for me.

Actually, I am not one to work for rewards like pleasure or happiness so that makes love worth nill. I work for accomplishment and quantifiable gain (like GPA, money, awards, etc.) and these I can get without a lover.

Movies!

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 10:56:28 GMT

Can you believe this? But Movies12 sells tickets for $0.50 each on Mondays. So of course, my sisters and I spent our share of moola watching a movie marathon. Well, it was going to be a marathon of three movies straight, but after the second one, our butts were hurting, we were sick of cheap candy foods, and honestly, after a while, movies start to put you to sleep.

We were going to watch Corpse Bride, Legend of Zorro, and 40 Year Old Virgin, but we ended up ditching the latter. It sounded adolescent anyway and we had enough of that in Zorro. Ok, it was _I_ that had enough of that; I don't need to speak for my sisters. (I hope that was the correct use of a semi-colon?)

Corpse Bride was fun. Zorro was waaay too Patriotic, mushy, I-hate-the-kid at times. I did, however, like the special effects and the stunts. My favorite had to be Antonio Banderas spinning under a guy's arm to lock the bady in a seemingly painful armlock. Tambien, me gusta el Espanol--que idioma bonita! I wish I knew accents better because I'm not sure if Catherine Zeta-Jones was doing a good job of pulling off a Spanish accent or not. Isn't she Welsh? I dunno. Is it just me or is she not as hot as before? Maybe Antonio is getting old too. Ah, I can hear the song: "Time will never eeennnnd. Careless whispers..."

And finally, the movie was awesome for all the slick black hair! No offense to blonds, but I love the darker shade for hair. Yet, for some reason, I want to dye my hair blond. Ay caramba! Did I say finally? I also want to mention that beautiful and well trained black beauty of a horse in the movie. What a way to steal the laughs! He really pulled off some comedy stunts in the movie! Love him! Now I REALLY want to gallop on a horse! That will go on my to-do list.

Now that it was mentioned, here's my TODO list (not in any particular order)

[HORSEY!]
gallop on a horse for a quarter mile
learn to post properly (on the right diagonal!)
ride bareback

[LANGUAGE!]
Mandarin
Cantonese
Japanese
Korean
Spanish

[DEGREES!]
Doctorate in bioengineering
HBS in bioengineering
Minor in Chinese
Minor in Math, Chemistry, and/or Biology
International Degree

[MATERIAL POSSESSIONS!]
PS2
Tekken 5 with bundle pack of Arcade Controller
Rise to Honor
Unleashed
Nikon/Olympus/Sony Digital Camera: 5+ MP
Digital Camerecorder
Calligraphy brushes, ink stick, and grinding stone
Compass watch
Art of War by Sun Tzu (the book I lost)

[LESSONS!]
Judo
Taiji
Piano
Guitar
Calligraphy

[READING!]
Animal Farm by George Orwell
Dragon Gate trans. by Thomas Cleary

[WRITING!]
Write a book (encouraged by Rachel)

[SPIRITUALITY!]
Student under Taoist master in the mountains of China
Meditation
Refinement of mind, body, and spirit
Immortality!
Never fall (sexually) in love
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It's 3 in the morning so that above list is probably incomplete. My comment from this is, I have not been bored for a very very long time. My mom said I haven't been bored since I got my first computer. I wonder how right that is, but I believe her. I don't get bored and I don't understand how others can get bored. Ok, I understand. I understand it as they get bored because all of the things they can think of to do is either not possible, uncomfortable, or it is work. They aren't interested in them enough to spend any energy on it so they're bored. If that's wrong, I wouldn't mind hearing another explanation.

Crap Load

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 10:08:06 GMT

So yeah, I've just read my first livejournal entry and I think it's crap so here's the second one. It's still crap. Oh crap. My first one is crap because it's all philosophical shit. My second one is crap because I say crap so much. Crap.

I have to say, I love Albertt, I love the Sardonic Homosexual, and it's because of their awesome livejournal entries!

Philosophy and Beliefs: Taoism

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 02:48:47 GMT

Although I say I believe in Taoist principles, I can't honestly say I'm Taoist because I don't know what Taoism really is. As involved in other processes of understanding, achieving, and learning, becoming a Taoist is infinitely more accessible with the guidance of a teacher. I don't require a teacher, but the road to enlightenment becomes much smoother and direct should I follow one. It's the difference between discovering calculus theorems from observation and development and learning calculus in a school or from a book. I don't think I can be a Taoist on my own.

Nonetheless, I revere Taoist ideas and place them at the pinnacle of what makes sense to me. From what I understand, the points of Taoism are such (quotes are from www.thebigview.com):

(I) A. The belief:

What you believe exists is just that: a belief in existance. Reality is based on perception. Reality is an illusion in that it is an interpretation of the elementary forms of existance. An analogy to this would be this: the computer screen is the illusion in which people operate. The source of that illusion is the fundamental electrical pathways in the hardware of the computer. I believe the world in which we live is merely an elaborate projection created by consciousness.

B. The implication:

Everything becomes "small potatoes" as I've heard a Chinese person say. In other words, the world suddenly becomes more of a game than something to take seriously. Suddenly, the self, the individual becomes a filter, a hinderance to seeing "what lies beneath". It's not negative to enjoy the illusion. In fact Taoists do not look down on those who don't want to see the the source of the manifestation of our reality. Taoists are just those who would like to rise above a single perspective and see both the illusion and source. It's the difference between being in the computer screen as a player in this game or being outside the computer, examining the hardware and programming.

C. A quote:

(II) A. The belief:

A Taoist would like for the shrouds of illusion to fall so that one can see the mysteries. The only way to do this is to rid oneself of the individual perspective. If there is no self, there is no illusion.

B. The implication:

This is extremely difficult because it means letting go of all attachments, including those of material possessions, emotional ties to loved ones, self worth, etc. It means resting the selfish mind and dropping all values. Ultimately, one would be dead once s/he reached this state. But that sounds so negative. In a positive way of phrasing it, a Taoist would be able to enter a higher plane of existance. A master Taoist, also known as an Immortal, would be able to choose their time of departure. Although they still have goals and a self, they have every ability to cast off all their attachments. To die, all an Immortal does is stop breathing. Even the attachment to survival has been cast away. It is from an Immortal I would like to learn Taoism from.

C. The quote:
"Ever desireless, one can see the mystery.
Ever desiring, one sees the manifestations...
Darkness within darkness.
The gate to all mystery."